Kendall Payne

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<p>True confession... I've been crying a lot lately.&nbsp;</p>
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<p>I won't get in to the details, at least not right now, but just prepare yourselves for some REALLY GOOD SONGS to come out of this time!&nbsp; :-)&nbsp;</p>
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<p>And while I look forward to those happier moments on 'the other side' of this mountain, the truth is, I am in a hard season right now.&nbsp; And I'm not being dramatic when I say, I have sat on the floor of my closet, in the dark, tears streaming down my face, more times than I'd like to admit.&nbsp;</p>
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<p>These words, "Why? Why? WHY???"&nbsp; have come tumbling out of my mouth.&nbsp; "I didn't want this!"&nbsp; I have sobbed.&nbsp; And the question rises from the deepest place in my heart, "<strong>Why does it have to be this way</strong>?".&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>
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<p>Have YOU ever been in that place?&nbsp;</p>
<p>Have you ever had a hard time understanding the "Why?".&nbsp; &nbsp;</p>
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<p>Upon further reflection, I've realized the real question I'm asking is, "<strong>DID</strong>&nbsp;<strong>IT HAVE</strong>&nbsp;to be this way?"&nbsp; Because I'd like to believe that it did NOT have to be this way.&nbsp; I wrestle with the concept of "Free Will" vs. "Destiny" or "God's Perfect Plan" for our lives.&nbsp; Because when the 'shit hits the fan' it's hard for me to find God is in the midst of it.&nbsp; Of course, AT THE END, I can clearly see God's hand - in the redemption of all things - but in the&nbsp;<strong>moment</strong>, in the&nbsp;<strong>middle</strong>, that is where it gets murky.&nbsp; That is where it gets confusing.</p>
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<p>And THAT is where I find myself right now.&nbsp;</p>
<p>In the middle of the pain, asking this simple question, "Why's it gotta be this way?"</p>
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<p>Unfortunately, I don't have any good answers right now.&nbsp;</p>
<p>I wish I did.&nbsp;</p>
<p>I wish this song could resolve with a clever chorus that wraps everything up in a nice little bow.&nbsp; I wish I had some catchy lyric that mildly comforts us all and boils down all of life's mysteries into a simple platitude.&nbsp; But I don't have that.&nbsp;</p>
<p>Here's what I do have...</p>
<p>Friends.</p>
<p>Amazing friends.&nbsp;</p>
<p>Incredible, compassionate, wise, deep, brave, life-giving friends.</p>
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<p>Friends who have been willing to walk beside me on this rocky journey.&nbsp; Friends who have taken my phone call or returned a text message because they knew I needed them (and because they told me to 'call or text anytime day or night' and I took them up on that offer!).&nbsp; Friends who have listened to me for hours upon hours as I unpack my feelings.&nbsp; And friends who have mirrored back hard truths that I needed to see and reckon with.&nbsp;</p>
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<p>And let me tell you something... that is NO SMALL THING to have those kinds of friends!&nbsp;</p>
<p>In fact, it might be the biggest thing we can possibly have, a TRUE friend.&nbsp;</p>
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<p>I love the quote by Teresa of Avila that says, "Christ has no body now but YOURS.&nbsp; No hands, no feet on earth but YOURS."</p>
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<p>Life is complex, hard and beautiful all wrapped up together. And we are offered the glorious opportunity to BE THERE for each other in the midst of it all.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>
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<p>And so this song is dedicated to my friends.&nbsp; (You know who you are!)&nbsp; There will never be enough words in the universe to express my gratitude.&nbsp; I love you.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>